Thursday, October 30, 2008


~ Monday Night, around ten o'clock ~


Maybe now, I'm a little bit sad..

After some bad events.. But for me still some good memories.. ^^

She always repeated same bad words for me "I don't like fat boy, stingy or tightfisted person, and ugly.."

I know that she is joking.. But now, I can't get over that thought on myself..

For me she has proven some of her words to me.. Just read the story..

After bought some stuff together.. I bought her chocolate and snack, because I really wanna do that.. I had some money and I had my own priorities too.. I knew that she said that my gift (chocolate) is small.. Her exboyfriends always gave her the big one and rich one.. She always said that ' "X" , "Y", "Z", are so nice.. handsome.. rich.. bla bla bla.. I'm perfectionist.. bla bla bla.. ' Over and over.. Err, I already knew that.. I'm little jealous.. Hmm.. That's the fact and the reality..! I accept it wholeheartedly. I'm not the super rich, super nice and perfect man who can give many nice gift for you and make you like a princess. I'm just ordinary people and I'm happy for being myself.. After went shopping, we rested in my place.. She tried to make some assignment from my cousin.. Maybe she felt sory for my cousin.. Don't know why.. I knew that she is in bad mood.. She became more and more mad at me.. Again, I'm keep patience and silence.. But when I accompany her to went home.. I wrapped one chocolate and one snack for her.. Don't know why.. She bang and throw my chocolate.. Wew.. I'm shocked.. She threw those things in front of my eyes.. Wew.. I picked up chocolate that she threw.. You know what.. I don't waste food.. There are many people out there that can't eat chocolate and so hard to struggle in living.. I keep patience and think positive.. I keep the food on my own.. Never say any word and never angry to her.. Don't know why.. She said she can went home alone.. But, I keep accompanny her to across the road.. And she said that she ilfeel with me..!! That's it.. I don't want disturb her.. You know what..?! Now, I think that she can get another rich and perfect boy for her.. She can get better person.. Maybe, not me! Thank's.. Your actions hurted me perfectly.. Not only this event, but also yesterday event, after I found you still keep your notepad in your laptop, I had read it, and feel hurted.. Hmm.. Maybe I'm too relaxed, but don't think that I'm not serious and always joking.. Sometimes I also feel that you are very very rich and we are not in the same level..

Sometimes I feel that you are more suitable to get better person.. Sory to make you illfeel.. But, that's how I am, that's me.. I knew that I always have done many mistakes in my life.. I tried to fix my bad.. Try to add something again, but rejected.. Give something, but rejected.. Hmm.. Up to you to accept, angry, or what.. I'm still human.. I have some feelings and limits too..!! (BG sound: coldplay - fix you)

For me, now actions are more important than words. But, don't think that words are not important. arghh.. hurted.

Now, I really don't know.. Who is pretending. Illfeel or not?! That's reality or action that differ from the truth.. She is sick of me or not.. I believe her every words.. But, her actions just different..

Maybe 'Thanks' and 'Sory' just some manners and not important words to you.. She said: "Is that important?" ; "You really need an answer?" ; (in indonesia: penting ga sih? Perlu dijawab?") . YES, for me, that's really important things so that I asked you.. Maybe small things, but that's still important.. Maybe you have already have other people in your heart. Thank's. I remembered that she said that she don't play with me. But, again... Sometimes I feel, Your actions is differ from the words what you said.. I'm confused that you are joking, pretending, happy, or what? Please don't cry1ng 1n the n1ght.. Maybe she still needs time to communicate.. I don't wanna push her toomuch. That's the best for her.

Life is like a rollercoaster.. Sometimes you feel high, sometimes you feel down.. Just keep flying on the right track and right path.. Never tossed aside and flung from the rollercoaster track.. Just enjoy and share the journey with the person next to you in the rollercoaster.. Laugh, share emotions and scream together.
~written by me. (Wanna go to DUFAN again.. and free entrance money.. arghh..)

~DAMN KOMAS.. DAMN article.. DAMN topic.. DAMN sembiring in sekre.. argh..!!

~Oh no.. I forgot to throw away watermelon.. Throw or eat it and sick???

~Quote from bleach 331 the last sentence from Omaeda Marechiyo, Lieutenant of the 2nd division and captain of the special forces patrol corps: "... Listen up. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

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